This is an oldie, but a goodie from my online dating history files. I’ve blocked out dude’s name, so for the sake of the story, we’ll refer to him as “Mr. Aviator.”
Mr. Aviator and I met online back in 2012, though never ended up meeting in person. About a year later, we noticed each other again on POF and started chatting. We moved to text almost immediately as that was where we had left off.
Normally, I like to go through a 5-phase approach with online dating to ensure I’m dealing with someone who won’t end up boring/raping/killing me (the order is not important, though the order I presented would make for a torturous death), however I’m glad we proceeded quickly as it helped get this one off my dating radar ASAP.
About Mr. Aviator
Mr. Aviator was one of those guys who loved to brag about the big-wheeled toys he had in his garage or the panty-dropping, exciting job he had as a pilot. Divorced, kids, glasses, cute… and extremely flirtatious.
Though I didn’t see this turning into a relationship (mainly due to his complete lack of interest in asking me anything about myself), I was enjoying the back-and-forth sarcasm and flirty banter. It was a fun distraction at the time.
My Soapbox Moment
Let me make two points very quickly before proceeding into how this man temporarily jaded me with online dating.
- Every woman at some point in her life wants to try to date like what we stereotypically think a man dates like – no emotions, sex-focused, aloof, and that amazing mind set of “I just don’t give a fuck.” However, very few women are able to actually pull this off. Why? Because many vaginas have brains… which is a serious pain in the ass sometimes. Mine not only has a brain, but she’s picky as HELL. She considers things like personality and intelligence when determining whether to sleep with someone. Around the time I started chatting with Mr. Aviator, I was in full-blown “I’m going to date like a man” mode, but as you will see shortly, I simply couldn’t. (In all fairness, many men have dicks with brains too.)
- It would be stupid to think that you are the only person someone is chatting with on an online dating site. I’m usually chatting with a few men at a time to see which one I have the better connection with. However, letting the person you’re talking to KNOW they’re not the only one (either directly or accidentally) is a HUGE FAIL and very hard to come back from.
The Red Flag
About three days into texting, I woke up to what any girl would find to be a very sweet good morning text.
BUT then I noticed something else…
…WTF?!
He sent this text out to FIVE numbers!!!!! How freaking lazy can one dude be? Going back to my points above, was I naive enough to think I was the only girl this guy was chatting with? Hell no. Was he the only dude I was chatting with? Hell no. But to be so lazy in your communications that you decide for efficiency sake you should group text a generic “Good Morning, Pretty” is ABSOLUTELY A NO-GO. Even if I was attempting to date like a man and not give a shit, my vagina simply could not tolerate such moronic stupidity (yes, he just added an extra level of “stupid” to “stupid”).
He doesn’t know how to use his phone, otherwise this would never have happened. As I sat there staring at this absurdity and thinking, “Well, there’s another douche I won’t be dating,” I realized I just HAD to take advantage of the moment…
Ok, out of all the things I could have responded with, this certainly is not the most catty or brilliant, but it was something. I HAD to acknowledge the situation on a mass level. I HAD to see if I could spark a fire in the others… lead the way to a public ass chewing. I HAD to see if this was what I thought it was because honestly, I was still slightly uncertain.
Could it have been a mistake? Could his phone be broken? Could he have sent this out to his Mom, Sister, Grandma, Aunt, and me? Could I actually be thinking this is anything but what it obviously is? Absolutely fucking not!
I got a response back from one of the other recipients asking who I was. I told him/her I was one of the many people he sent that text to. He/She did not reply.
I then got a response from him asking me what I was talking about. I pointed out his mistake and he (just as expected) blamed it on his new phone… right.
These moments are why I hate dating. I never responded to his excuse text and I have been aviator free for over a year.
Share your biggest #FAIL online dating messages in the comments below!
Photo Credit: SplitShire | GIF Credit: Reaction GIFs
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